I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
