Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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