i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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