Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
