Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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