She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
