Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i think my cat just said my name.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
