Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
