I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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