hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
