He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
