When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
