I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
