You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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