How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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