News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
