can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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