he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
