why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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