is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
