Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
