So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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