I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
