mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
