i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Sober January is a disaster.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
