Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
