last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
