she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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