Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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