i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
