South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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