The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think i got beer on your cat.
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