He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
