I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
