Are we in a gay sports bar?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
well most of my day revolves around power hour
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
