I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
