Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
