apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
