Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
