I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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