Will you blow on my dice?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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