home. puking in laundry basket.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
