i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
