Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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