You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
