im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
please come you make the beer taste better
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
