You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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