That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
