Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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