I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
