Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Redeem this text for a blowjob
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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