I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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