It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
How's work?
Spinning.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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