Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
