I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
