The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
