dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
