Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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