Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
